I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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