i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
