Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
