i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
