if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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