You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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