worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
