So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
