last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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