Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
