You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
