he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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