You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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