No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
