I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
