i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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