How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
