I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
