Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
