Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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