Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
