im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
