I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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