Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
