I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
