Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
