i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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