Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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