tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize