i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
