I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
