At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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