My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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