Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
