like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
