It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
