my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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