glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
