listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
