My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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