Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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