when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
