I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize