you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
