Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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