I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
