why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
