there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
