I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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