I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
