Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
