Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
