He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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