did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
3 2 1 whiskey
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
