I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
