Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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