just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
