No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
