quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You're like the curious george of whores
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
