Need sex. Gaining weight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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