I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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