Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
