hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize