I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize