i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
NoShamevember. You game?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
