There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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