Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
