There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
