I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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