Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
